A Gay Teacher’s Perspective on Queer Children’s Books

I had never been more nervous to read to my class before.

For a first-year teacher navigating the pressures of being in charge of the safety, well-being, and learning of 17 children was always weighing on me. But, at least I was good at a read-aloud. So what about this book was different? Oh yeah, it was gay.

I had seen this slide deck last year as a sub, I don’t remember exactly how I acquired it, but it was from the school district I worked for. It was about a girl who was sad because her class was having a Mother’s Day party but she didn’t know who to bring because she had two dads. I told myself, maybe, just maybe one day when I had my own class I could read it to them.

One day had come. And I was terrified. Was it the visions of angry parents accusing me of indoctrinating their children? Wasn’t too far-fetched. I had heard stories of teachers being fired over being outed on Facebook or for hanging pride flags. But this book was not just about that. It’s funny to me that people outraged about these types of books never seem to have actually read them. If anything, I thought this book would also put my students at ease. Mother’s Day was coming up and I wanted them to not feel bad if they didn’t have a mom to give the painting we made to. And furthermore, to show them that not all families looked the same.

When I was choosing my profession, I didn’t really factor being queer into it. I was in a relationship with a man at the time, but I knew that I was bi. But moments like this, before I read Stella Brings the Family really raised the question for me: will this be a problem?

I live in California, a state known to be progressive, but it goes without saying that it has had its own struggles with gay rights. But what’s more, being a gay teacher is even more of a problem. Don’t believe me? Just look at the Briggs Initiative. Also known as the 1978 California Prop 6, this bill tried to make it illegal to be an “out” gay or lesbian teacher. No this is not some crazy hypothetical. This was a real bill that barely did not happen with a 59% majority. Why?

Because the campaign for it talked about how LGBT teachers were immoral and would recruit children into the homosexual lifestyle. Sound familiar? Maybe that’s because that’s the same rhetoric still being used by conservatives today.

Let’s take a moment to look back even further before I decide to read “homosexual propaganda” to my class… To me as a baby gay, still in college.

I had known I was bi since I was about 18, and probably should have realized it sooner, but I didn’t even know what LGBT stood for until I was a senior in high school. I was on a college tour at UCSD and saw the sign (literally). So after many weeks of research and watching coming out videos, I texted my best friend to tell her I was a lesbian.

And then I got a boyfriend.

And another one.

And then I was single and 23 and ready to date a girl.

And I saw lots of teachers on Bumble, which was reassuring, because I also wanted to be a teacher. Yay! It was a thing! I wasn’t the only one!

I avoided questions from students about having a boyfriend, but I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, so there wasn’t anything to tell anyways. I wasn’t lying. And then I got a girlfriend, and then I still wasn’t lying when I denied having a boyfriend. It was a loophole. A loophole that made me slightly uncomfortable, but I tried not to think about it too much. During one of my fieldwork sessions at a middle school, my mentee turned to me in the library, and said her friend, the boy sitting next to her was bi. I said that’s cool, and then smiled to myself for the rest of our time in the library, where they proceeded to compare crushes.

That is one thing I like to hold on to when I am feeling bad about the latest pride flag ban, or the new anti-trans bill that passes, is that this next generation has been shown to be so much more accepting than any before (and also a lot more queer!) And that is why having these queer books for children is really so important.

I was at a teaching training when I learned about the idea that books are like windows or mirrors. Books that were widows allowed people who didn’t have that experience to look in and

get a glimpse of what it really could feel like to live as another person with different experiences than their own. Mirrors showed people who related to the story that they were not the only ones with that experience, they could see themselves reflected back. And queer books do that. Overwhelmingly, queer children’s books want to spread this message: everyone is different. Every family looks different. Everyone experiences gender differently. It is okay to have two moms or two dads. And what does that teach? To be more accepting of others, and to be accepting of yourself. How could that hurt anyone?

I was at my local library this pride season and I was happy to see in the front a display with a sign that said “Want to talk about LGBTQIA+ with your children? Check out these books."

I read every single picture book there. Most didn’t even mention having queer parents (which most were about) instead, the words shared about how families all have love and had pictures of queer parents, multi-racial couples, and parents with disabilities.

My class loved Stella Brings the Family. We talked about how different students brought different people to the party, like grandmas and tias, and yes, two dads. Then they shared about their own family. How their parents were divorced, or how their aunt or siblings took them to school events because their parents worked a lot. That their family was unique, and that was okay. It was like a warm hug having this conversation, where they affirmed one another and shared acceptance and love.

And I’m sure there are people out there who thought it was wrong that I shared that book with my class. But sitting there, listening to my class showing more kindness, empathy, and understanding than some adults I’ve seen, I couldn’t think of a single reason to be scared anymore.

I would love to hear your thoughts and any queer children’s book recommendations you have!